Will My Spouse Be Like Me?

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Hi my name is Whitney Ford and i’m 21 year old Black, Christian, Disabled, Woman and who is learning more and more each day to love herself. I’m not much on too many preferences in that I’ve never really been in a valid full on relationship. The thought gives me anxiety sometimes. That’s not to say I’m out here fly swatting cause I do not have ANY juice. I got me some infused water though. 😂😂

It’s my intention for this piece to appeal to those who share each of these characteristics and maybe we can make good sense together my fellow Interdependents. So chill back brethren. Get you some tea. Put your face mask on and have a heart to heart with yours truly. As you all know interdependents I like to talk about me cus I know about me.
I am pretty much not as experienced as some might be when it comes to the love shack so I “speak as a fool” *in my Apostle Paul voice * what ever that sounds like. ( if you didnt catch that see 2 Corinthians 11) but I’m not going too deep today. It’s just when i’m alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall and imn the back of my mind I hear my conscious call 🎶 and I wonder if He is this or if he’s that and why don’t nobody want the kid 😂.

wf

I’m Black..

Listen to me and listen to me good girl. (Or dude) I’m a black girl and I want him to be a black man.. So he’ll be like me. He’ll understand things about me that are common in our culture. I want him to love the way I cook and my curls and to know the songs I sing at random. I love old school music. I want to love his brown skin🎶 and if I am a reflection of Him then I must be fly🎶 I wanna face the world with a face of faith hand in hand with a man who understands. You live in the same world I live in. You’ve seen the news. You’ve been praying for him like Im have been praying for him. They’re seven to one to us..

I Am A BLACK WOMAN

Obviously this Is a bonus. I am a heterosexual black woman. This is an extension of my last point. I am a black woman. I am the most educated group in the US. I am thick lips and curls. I am fashion foward. There is a system set up to keep me “bad” and from uniting with him but I refuse. I refuse to let the system turn myself and our children against him. I am for Him and I am for him. I love him. I will not loathe him because I love him too much. A three strand cord ia not easily broken. I refuse to give up on him. He’s got a bad taste in his mouth and so do I but I refuse to give in. He’s had no hand out but his hand has a long while been up. Will he refuse to give in until I take it in mine. All i want is to raise a good black man with another active in his life and a good black woman also to be a graceful example to her. I want to send them off to be fruitful and multiply. Soon after i want to sit on my front porch wirh him and sip fresh squeezed lemonade rocking in good Golden Corral rocking chairs .. A toast to us.. “We did that ” 🍻

.. I Am Disabled ..

Y’all tired of hearing bout SB yet? 😂 *pretends to care* I was born with Spina Bifida Myelomeningocele with Hydrocephalus and most guys I meet don’t know what the Hammer Time that is, and I have to explain it to the best of my ability to where they will understand. The Lord Jesus Christ sitting on the right hand of the Father knows how full well how tired I am of explaining it. Even after explaining something to a person you can’t give them first hand experience. So I wonder sometimes if He’ll be like me . will he have Spina Bifida too? I’ve never met a male with SB in person. That’s not to say they don’t exist cause they definitely do I just ain’t met em.

So needless to say that each guy I’ve ever had a feeling or two for did not have SB. The issue I always hit within myself was if He would love me for me. If he’d being a perfectly healthy able bodied man would feel like eventually I was just too much to live with. If He’d be overwhelmed with my anxiety and my chronic headaches and yearly check ups and my bladder issues and vacationing with children AND a wheelchair and catheterization and all that is SB and hydrocephalus. All of my life I have felt like a burden I am not about to feel that way in a marriage. So does he have SB? If he does he’ll understand but that doesn’t guarantee complete bliss. If he does that increases the chances of carrying a child with SB. That may not be horrible in that hey, mom and dad get it first hand. If he doesn’t that doesn’t guarantee the child won’t still have SB. If He doesn’t have SB will he be able to love me as an even weaker vessel than most without underestimating me altogether. Are you strong enough to be my man🎶

I considered it to be too stressful to even wonder but I wonder more everyday. I let crushes die because I wonder. One day he’ll wonder and as a result ask. I’m until then preparing for any of these possibilities and trusting God for His best. I pray you enjoyed reading this interdependents. Different vibe and yet still,

As I minister to you
I minister to myself

#HeIsMyCrutch

21 Comments

  1. Kimberly Hsieh on January 26, 2017 at 2:56 am

    You are inspiring, keep going!

    • whitneyann on January 26, 2017 at 2:59 am

      thank you so much!

  2. Kaylie on January 26, 2017 at 3:11 am

    Such a great and inspiring article! Enjoyed reading. 🙂

    xx Kaylie || coffeewithkaylie.com

    • whitneyann on January 26, 2017 at 6:12 pm

      Thank you!

  3. Emily on January 26, 2017 at 3:30 am

    My story: at 20, I had never been on a date. Forget a real relationship…I had never even been on a date. A guy asked me out, and I agreed despite convictions that the relationship was unhealthy from the beginning. Six months and one heart-break later, I began dating a guy friend that is now my amazing husband. I guess what I am trying to say is that God loves you passionately, and he is orchestrating things for your good (Romans 8:28). I know, I know…it often doesn’t feel like the circumstances are for our good. But as I look back on painful times, I see the Lord’s faithfulness proclaimed the strongest, and I see how he is pursuing me in the painful times. My word of wisdom that my younger self needed to hear: have patience and trust that God is willing and able to give all that I need. God makes no promises of happily-ever-afters this side of Heaven, but he himself promises to romance you.

    • whitneyann on January 26, 2017 at 6:12 pm

      amen! Thank you for sharing that with me!

  4. Jenna VanHoof on January 26, 2017 at 3:39 am

    Inspiring post 🙂 I bet someone will come along who will love you dearly!

    • whitneyann on January 26, 2017 at 6:11 pm

      Thank you!

  5. robin rue on January 26, 2017 at 10:34 am

    You are an amazing girl. Any man who you end up with will be very lucky.

    • whitneyann on January 26, 2017 at 6:10 pm

      Thank you so much! I appreciate that!

  6. AJ Money Matters on January 26, 2017 at 12:01 pm

    What an inspirational story! I love that you can share you story so honestly and allow the emotion to come through in your words. Keep it up girl!

    • whitneyann on January 26, 2017 at 6:10 pm

      Thank you so much!

  7. Author Brandi Kennedy on January 26, 2017 at 6:31 pm

    Sometimes when you feel like you have so much going against you being able to really be a viable partner, it’s easy to get caught up the idea that it might never work out. But I am a Christian too, and I truly believe that if God gave you a wish for a man to be in your life, and a partner to raise a family with, and to have raised a family someday … then just keep waiting for Him. He will send the right man your way when it’s time, when you’re ready, and when your man is ready for you. Keep your faith – God is always on time.

    authorbrandikennedy.blogspot.com

    • whitneyann on January 26, 2017 at 8:28 pm

      Amen! Thank you!

  8. Amber Myers on January 26, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    I’m sure you will find someone who loves you for you! You sound amazing.

  9. Glenda on January 27, 2017 at 2:45 am

    When you least expect that is when you will meet your soul mate. My husband and I have been married for a long time and we are completely opposite. I suggest not to focus so much on what you think you want but the type of beautiful soul he has.

  10. Elizabeth O. on January 27, 2017 at 5:26 am

    The right man will love everything about you and more. I loved how real this is, it’s pure honestly and it’s very heartfelt. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

    • whitneyann on January 27, 2017 at 8:34 pm

      Thank you and you are very welcome!

  11. Crystal Gard on January 27, 2017 at 5:36 am

    Inspiring read. The right person will come along when you aren’t even thinking they will.

  12. Gemma on January 27, 2017 at 5:45 am

    you think deep! i love your thoughts! keep on pouring… and remember, someday soon… love will blossom!

    • whitneyann on January 27, 2017 at 8:33 pm

      thank you so much! I appreciate that!

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