Starting out my dad only wanted 1 kid and I have an older brother, my mom was on birth control but it didn’t work so my childhood my dad acted like he had a grudge against me, I went through a lot of mental abuse. Later on in my teenage years my father would punish me by making me kneel on uncooked rice, stand on my tipsy toes for long periods of time, made me take cold baths in a 55 gallon drum n the back yard, sit on the wall like I was sitting n a chair etc. Well I had resentment towards him. Then when I was 16 my best friend shot and killed himself with a 12 gauge, I hurried to my buddy’s house and helped clean up my best friends brain matter and blood, thinking to myself I’d never do that, I was absolutely devistated. This was Jan 8th 1993 as the year went on i got in some trouble nothing big just teenager stuff, then on new years I went out and got in trouble for not coming home and I thought you know what screw it ima just wait 7 days and kill myself and it would all be over, boy was I wrong I keep a shotgun shell on my dresser and looked at it for a week and never had second thoughts.
When Jan 8th 1994 came around I was watching the movie aspen extreme in the living room half way through the movie I said its time I got the gun and shell went n the bathroom n sat on the toilet and said on the count of 3 I counted to myself 1, 2, 3 and it was done. Now I don’t remember this but I was told I unlocked 2 bathroom doors and walked back n the living room and sat back where I was watching the movie my mom was outside when she came in she saw me n flipped out now being an RN she tried to stay calm n called 911 it was busy like 3 times, I was life flitted to Beaumont TX 30 miles away, the doctors said they couldn’t do anything for me to send me to galveston TX another hour away to utmb. And this is where I stayed for a few months. I don’t remember anything for 2 weeks when I started rembering I though damn I can’t even kill myself right.
Thinking damn I’ll never have a normal life now for sure. As time went on I said well there has to be a reason I’m still here so I started asking God why he saved me. With no answer I just decided to be the best me I could be when I got out of the hospital I was home schooled for 2 months but I didn’t stay at home I went out as much as I could holding my chest out and my head held high. I went back to school after the summer break everybody would stare and talk but I paid no mind I was here for a reason I experimented with drugs and kept doing them as most people my age were. I actually had several girlfriends some how, but it made me realize not everybody looks at the outside, while in college I met this girl that was awesome we ended up getting married on Jan 8th 2000 to make the date a good date.
We both played around with drugs as i tried to keep jobs but discrimination is a hard thing to deal with we had our first child in August of 2000 that made me wanna try even harder to do right we were clean and sober for 5 years then coming home from work I got 8n a wreck with an 18 wheeler at 80 mph my truck flipped 5 times, and walked away with a bloody nose n went home. 2 weeks later I had a violent seizure which broke both my shoulders. At this point we had no money nothing we lived on faith in God alone for 3 years getting it all fixed but every time id get my shoulder fixed I would have another seizure. I have had my right shoulder fixed twice and im waiting on my 5th operation on my left. In 2011 we had our 2nd child and we got back into drugs bad.
We battled with cps among other things finally in 2015 I got clean my wife didn’t so me and the kids left, she went to jail for 6 months and it opened her eyes we were apart a year and a half. Then when she was bout to get out I’d been clean a while and relapsed 1 time and ended up n jail for 2 months in a different state. My charges were dropped and I got time served. Now we are doing great only by the grace of God. Remember I started asking why I was still here well I asked God this everyday for 13yrs, well after my wreck when I thought I had nothing God said he wanted me to help people battling from suicidal tendencies and I said no that’s not me, well for a week that’s all I could hear in my head was help people, help people so I said ok I will do it. At this moment God revealed to me so much about myself my my life all the way back to conception.
It was like a light turning on and here it is, yes, my mom was on birth control but God put me there to endure a childhood like I had so I could help others, He knew I would try killing myself but didn’t stop my life so I could be the voice of Him to help others. God took 13yrs to answer me because when I shot myself it was an uncommon act, but when I got Gods answer suicide was all to common. So that’s my story and this is why i’m here to help others suffering from suicidal tendencies. Thank you God for What I’ve been through I would never take any of it back and I don’t regret anything in my life.If you’d like to keep up with myself and be encouraged find me on facebook as Korey Bryan Burrus. I also have a Facebook group called Suicide Prevention & God’s helpers where myself and others encourage one another. God bless you.